"Don't I know you from somewhere?"

The woman blinked and looked at the man standing beside her. "I'm sorry?"

He squinted and absently adjusted his black beret. "Yeah, I'm sure I've seen your face before."

She shrugged. "I've been up here before."

He nodded, as if visiting this place more than once made perfect sense. "Yeah, same here. Name?"

She looked at the floor. "Um..."

He held up his hands. "Hey, it's cool. Some people don't like talking about their pasts. Don't mean much up here anyways." His leather jacket creaked as he extended a hand. "Name's Jesse."

She brushed away a strand of long blonde hair, considering, then took his hand. "I'm... Rosanna."

"Rosanna, huh? All right. Nice to meet you, Rosie."

Rosanna gave him a small smile. "Likewise. I've heard very good things about you."

"Oh yeah? From who?"

Rosanna withdrew her hand but continued to smile.

"I see how it is, then. A lady of mystery. That's cool, that's cool." Jesse turned and flicked a hand to take in their room. "You know any of these guys?"

Rosanna looked around. A younger man with ruffled brown hair sat hunched over a blank sheet of paper resting on a glass coffee table. One hand ran through the hair, mussing it further, while the other tapped a pencil against the paper. The couch on which he sat was the purest white, as were his pants, shirt, and shoes.

A middle-aged woman with cropped hair sat wringing her hands at the opposite end of the couch. Every now and then she would look over at the man, her mouth opening and closing rapidly. Her body occasionally jerked, as if she were resisting scrabbling across the couch toward him, and her crossed foot bobbed restlessly on her opposite leg. She too was dressed all in white.

Rosanna's eyebrows rose as she took in the room's final inhabitant. The woman was tall, slender yet properly filled, and inarguably beautiful. Fiery hair hung down to her shoulders. Like Jesse, her black leather clothing was in stark contrast to the white wall on which she leaned, as well as the plush white carpeting on which she stood. A rifle was hugged against her chest.

"She crazy," Jesse whispered.

Rosanna lifted a hand to her mouth and stifled a giggle.

The woman sitting on the couch leapt to her feet and spun to face her seatmate. "There is no need for you to be calculating a tip for that ghastly man, my darling."

"He was a good server, Mother," the man mumbled. His pencil continued to tap, though the knuckles gripping it were now as white as his clothing.

Mother rolled her eyes and practically stamped her feet. "Honestly, darling, what is the point? The food is free here, you know that."

The tapping stopped. "I just want to is all."

Mother made a sound of annoyance as her hand fiddled with a white pearl that dangled from one ear like a raindrop from a leaf. "It's pointless, darling. You're so clever, you know that. Just because your brother once told you--"

Darling spiked the pencil against the clear tabletop, snapping its point away. His brown eyes rose to glare at Mother, who promptly sat down and resumed her aggravated jittering. Darling stared at her for a moment longer before turning away and rubbing the broken pencil head with one finger. A fresh point of lead appeared after he removed his hand. Satisfied, he bent over the paper and resumed his tapping.

Rosanna looked at Jesse.

"They're crazy, too," he said. This time they both laughed.

Mother stood again. "Darling!" she gasped.

He flung the pencil to the floor. "Mother, I swear, if you're going to start up again..."

"No, look," she said, pointing.

Rosanna, Jesse, Darling, and the troubled woman caressing the rifle turned to see a long horizontal slit that had appeared in the far wall. It looked like a narrow bar of bright, golden light. As they watched, the slit began to extend slowly downward, like a window shade being drawn. The room became brighter as the lengthening rectangle flooded the room with more light. It stopped once it reached the floor.

Jesse swallowed. "The door. It's time."

"Yes," Rosanna said.

"Quickly!" Mother barked, slapping Darling's leg. "Gather your things. He's ready to see us."

Darling crumpled the blank sheet with one hand while the other groped for the pencil along the floor. He found it and stuffed both it and the wad of paper in his pocket before hurrying after his mother, who was scurrying through the doorway. They both disappeared immediately after crossing the threshold.

The red-haired woman stared solemnly at her rifle, her eyes glittering brightly. "At last," she breathed. She too strode through the portal and promptly vanished.

Jesse took a deep breath and turned to Rosanna. "You ready?"

"Yes."

They walked through together.



Rosanna smiled as she tromped across the white ground. The surface of the cloud appeared as thick as freshly fallen snow, yet was lightweight as cotton. Her bare feet scattered it into the air before her as she walked, just like snow - but unlike snow it wafted back down like a feather.

"Having fun?" Jesse asked from beside her.

"Just enjoying it while I can."

Jesse stopped, considering. "Good idea." With that, he clamped one hand overtop his beret, turned, and jogged the short distance to the edge of the cloud.

"Hey," Rosanna called. "Where are you...?"

"Come watch," he replied.

Curious, Rosanna trotted up beside him. One hand still gripping his hat, Jesse wound back his foot, whooped with joy, then snapped his foot forward, sending a huge tuft of cloud sailing over the edge into the sky stretched out before them, as vast and blue as the ocean.

"Beautiful, isn't it?" she asked, staring into the blue.

"Yeah," he agreed. "But what's down there," he pointed toward a hazy green and brown blob far, far below, "is even better."

She looked for a moment longer before straightening. "It definitely is."

"C'mon," he said, turning away. "Let's catch up to the others."



Jesse and Rosanna stood at the back of a short line of people leading up to a tall barred gate made of the brightest, shiniest gold. Beyond the gate were branching roads of gold that led to fabulous golden mansions. To either side of the gate were high walls of cloud. A cloud podium stood in front of the golden bars.

Rosanna stood on her toes, peered around, and plopped back down. "He's not here yet."

"Ah, don't worry about it," Jesse said, though he too was looking anxiously at the podium. "He has to do this, what, a hundred times a day? Probably just took a coffee break or somethin'."

"I suppose, but... there he is!"

The gathered crowd began to hum with excitement and nervousness as the bald head of a man with a bushy beard popped through the cloudy floor beside the podium. The rest of his body appeared slowly, revealing a thick white notebook tucked under one arm. He smiled and waved at them as he finally ascemded completely into view and stepped behind the podium.

"Good day," he said, his deep voice echoing across the island.

Mumbled greetings were returned.

He chuckled softly, though that too was loud coming from him, like drum beats in an empty auditorium.

"We'll get through this quickly," he said. "Some of you have places to be--"

"For real," Jesse muttered.

"--while others have still more waiting to do."

Someone squawked indignantly from the front of the line. Rosanna didn't need to look to know it was Mother.

Peter flicked his wrist and summoned a pair of wispy spectacles. After settling them into place, he placed his notebook on the stand, flipped through several pages, then looked up and smiled.

"You may approach," he said, nodding to the first in line.

Mother walked quickly forward. "Good day, your Grace. My son wants--"

"Just 'Peter' will do, madam."

"What's that? Oh! Right, Peter, yes, of course that's who you are, darling, haha! Why I was just telling my son the other day how handsome you were, wasn't I? And now here you are, and here we are, and--"

Mother's mouth snapped shut as Darling rested a hand on her shoulder and stepped forward.

"Forgive my mother," he said, bowing to Peter. "She gets a bit excitable at times. And stupid."

Mother sounded another squawk.

"It's no trouble," Peter said. "What is your case, young man?"

Darling swallowed and cleared his throat. "The same as always, Peter. I want to go home." He turned to his mother, who shrank back. "It's her fault I'm here."

"Why do you feel you should return to Pine Valley?"

"Millers Falls was searched, but my body was never found. That means I still have a chance, a chance to live my life, and to return to... to her."

"Ugh," Mother said, and this time she did not step back at her son's furious gaze. "She was never good enough for you. No one was. No one is. She is not worth your--"

Peter raised a hand, silencing both of them. "It is not your place to decide such things," he said, frowning at Mother. He turned to Darling. "I sympathize with your desire, young man. But the time is not right. It may never be."

Darling stiffened. "I understand, Peter."

Mother fought to hide her smile of triumph. "It is for the best, darling," she said, reaching out an arm toward him then thinking better of it. She looked up at Peter. "Thank you, darling -- Peter, that is. My son belongs with me. Mother knows what is best, and--"

"I do tire of you," Peter said.

Mother gulped.

Peter smiled gently at Darling. "Step aside, son."

Darling grabbed his mother's arm and pulled her to one side of the podium. After a moment, they disappeared.

Peter looked down at his notebook, grunted, and said, "Next."

The red-haired woman stepped forward. "I want to go back," she said, her voice flat.

"No."

Her face twisted. "I am owed a child by a man there. Also, his wife is incredibly annoying, and," she hefted her rifle, "I will not miss twice. I will go back."

"Perhaps, but not this day."

Her face softened. "Truly?"

"Perhaps, I say again. Your time was too short."

"So you agree that--"

"Step to the side, and you have my word that we will discuss this further one day."

Clutching the rifle to her chest and whispering excitedly to it, the woman practically skipped to where Darling and Mother had stood before. She vanished.

Peter glanced down at his book, mouthed words to himself, then looked up with a smile.

"Step forward, Jesse."

"'Bout time, man," Jesse said, though he too was smiling.

"What brings you back here?" Peter asked, now frowning as he again looked at his book. "I thought we straightened everything out."

"Well apparently not. You gotta hurry up, man. If Angie wakes up and finds me gone, she's gonna be pis--um, I mean, she'll be pretty upset, you know?"

"Indeed, indeed," Peter muttered, now leafing through pages. "What could the problem be?"

"Some people are havin' trouble accepting me back, I guess. Probably because certain things weren't explained."

Peter looked up. "What do you mean?"

Jesse widened his eyes and spread his hands, as if the answer were obvious. "How about my best friend saw a vision of me after that tornado hit several years back?"

"That?" Peter asked. He waved a hand. "We dismissed that as a hallucination."

"No you didn't."

"We didn't?"

"Not yet, man. And what about when I led what's-her-name up here?"

"Ah... oh yes, the Andrassy girl." Peter leaned against the podium. "She was quite beautiful, you know."

"Yeah, if you like them girls missing vital organs - like a heart."

"She still insists on returning home. Says she misses her husband, that they were--how did she put it?--like 'two peas in a cab'." Peter barked a jolly laugh.

Jesse laughed, too. "Yeah, I didn't know her long, but the girl did have a unique take on the English language."

Peter nodded agreement and straightened. "Well, I don't know what to say. It's quite a slip-up we've made."

"Darn right it is! Man, I'm trying to live my life and you people are--"

"The mistakes you've mentioned must be taken under consideration."

Jesse stopped, his mouth hanging open.

"Until a review is complete," Peter continued, "you'll have to stay with us, I'm afraid."

Jesse's mouth worked soundlessly. "Uh..." he finally said.

Peter burst out laughing and pounded a fist on the podium. "Oh man, I totally got you!"

Jesse squeaked a laugh. "Yeah, man, ha ha, totally. So, uh, am I free to--?"

Still laughing, Peter reached down, ripped off a wad of cloud, and used it to mop his face. "Oh my, that was funny, wasn't it?"

"Yeah. Very. Can I go home, now?"

"Hoo! Well, let's see." Peter threw away the cloud-kerchief and donned a sober expression. "We might straighten out those items, and we might not. Is that so horrible, Mister Hubbard?"

"Not as horrible as I thought."

"No, of course not. Now, if there's nothing else...?"

"Not today, no." Jesse sighed. "Will I be back up here again?"

"It's very likely."

"Man!" Jesse sighed again. "That's all right, though. I'm back, and I'll take what I can get."

"Very good. Now, if you'd be so kind...?" Peter pointed to where the others had stood before disappearing.

"Yeah, yeah, it's cool," Jesse said. He walked over to the spot and turned to face Rosanna. "See you soon?"

She smiled and stepped forward. "I sure hope so. It was good to finally meet you, Jesse."

"'Finally'?" Jesse repeated. He began to fade.

Peter smiled warmly. "Ah! So good to see you again, Dix--"

"Rosanna," she interrupted, glancing at Jesse.

Jesse stared at her, then Peter, then back at Rosanna. "You mean you're...? Holy sh--!"

He disappeared.

Peter turned back to Rosanna. "What was that about?"

"I'd prefer to keep our plans a secret, that's all."

Peter nodded. "That is your decision."

"If he sees me, he won't remember this, right?"

"That can be arranged."

"Please."

"Very well." Peter folded his hands on the notebook. "How's it going, then? Your little quest."

"Fine, until I was interrupted."

Peter tsked. "You were toying with one of the humans. You're aware of the rules, I assume?"

"I am. That one's special, though."

"Rosanna..."

She folded her arms across her chest. "He started it years ago. It's payback, that's all."

"As long as you're not planning on hurting him--"

"Of course not!"

"--then I suppose it's all right." Peter leaned forward and grinned wolfishly. "What else have you got in store for the old goat?"

"I was thinking of serving him a platter of peanut butter/banana pancakes."

Peter sputtered. "You just said you didn't intent to harm--"

"I'm only kidding. You have to have a sense of humor about these things."

Peter grunted and scratched at his beard. "You would know, wouldn't you?"

"I would. Now, if there's nothing else?"

Peter flipped his book closed and plucked it from the podium. It began to sink into the cloud as he walked around it. "Not at the moment." He came before her, took her hand, and kissed it gently. "Godspeed," he said with a wink.

Rosanna scrunched her face. "Oh, very funny."

"I'm in rare form today." With that, Peter turned and snapped his fingers. The pearly gates parted in the middle, each sliding away to admit the Saint. He began to walk through.

"Peter?"

He turned back. "Yes, Rosanna?"

She licked her lips. "If... if it goes well, and if they still need me... could I stay longer?"

He stared at her for several moments. "We shall see."

She smiled. "That's good enough."

"Good luck, dear girl."

"I've never needed luck." With that, she disappeared.

The center of the Valley Inn dining room was empty except for a circle of chairs facing outward.  Two men dressed in waiter's garb sat in the seats, talking quietly.

 

"Our guests will arrive imminently," one said as he stood and rolled back his sleeve to check his watch.

 

His comrade, a folder tucked under one arm, rose and seated himself behind the room's grand piano. "Indeed.  Are you ready?"

 

The first man went behind the bar, retrieved an apron, tied it around his waist, and wiped his hands against it before rubbing them together as he went to stand beside the entryway.  "For this bunch?  Never," he replied as he pinned a tag labeled "Marvin" to his chest.

 

Headlights flashed against the room's windows.  The first man nodded to his colleague, who hastily opened his folder and began rummaging through its contents, selected a white sheet of paper, and placed it on the piano's music stand.

 

Marvin stepped forward and inclined his head as a sharply dressed young man and a tall woman with curly brown hair crossed the room's threshold.  "Good evening Mrs. Slater, Mr. Devane."

 

"Afternoon, mate," Aidan replied.  "The place looks lovely this evening.  I love what you've done with--"

 

"Why the hell are we here?" Kendall snapped.  "I was on a book tour, you know.  I'm a famous author."

 

Marvin managed a small smile.  "Yes, I've read a bit of your book."

 

"Of course you have!  Everyone's read it!  That's why I'm a famous author, you idiot.  Wait, did you say you read a bit of it?"

 

"I, ah, I'm trying to get through it.  It's rather, um..."

 

"It's rather what?"

 

Marvin cleared his throat and gestured toward the cluster of chairs.  "If you'll please stand behind a chair of your choosing.  We will begin once the others have...."

 

Voices began to rumble from the hallway.

 

"I told you, Zach, I feel like I'm in 2004.  It's not my fault, okay?"

 

"Of course it's not your fault.  You were an idiot in 2004, and you're an idiot in 2008--which is the year we're in now, by the way.  I can understand how it would be hard to tell the difference."

 

"Hey, where am I?  What am I doing here?  My back hurts."

 

"Be quiet, JR!  You're such a drunk."

 

"I didn't take a drink, Babe!  I swear to you...."

 

Marvin squeaked a laugh.  "Ah, and here they come now!"  He stepped aside to admit the large group of Pine Valley citizens.  "Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.  Thank you all for coming on such short notice.  If you would be so kind as to--"

 

"Hold on a second," Ryan said, and pointed to Zach.  "We need to settle a bet.  What year is it?"

 

"The year is 2008, Mr. Lavery."

 

"Oh.  Crap."

 

Zach held out his hand.  "Pay up."

 

"I loathe you.  You stole my life!"

 

Marvin held up his hands.  "Gentlemen, please!  Now, as I was saying, thank you for coming.  You will all notice Ms. Hart and Mr. Devane standing behind--"

 

"Actually," Zach interrupted, "her name is Mrs. Slater.  I know it says Kendall Hart on her book jacket, but... honey, when did you find time to write a book, anyway?"

 

"Mostly while I thought you were dead.  And when I wasn't, um"--Kendall blushed and avoided looking at Aidan--"when I wasn't worrying about you, of course!  Ha, ha!  Man I'm such a slut."

 

Aidan rubbed a hand over his face.  "Can we please stop having this conversation?  We talk about our affair... what, about every other day or so?"

 

"Yeah, you're right.  And we need to stop talking about it in public."  Kendall looked around, then giggled.  "Oh, I'm such a silly."

 

Marvin clapped his hands.  "If you would all be so kind as to stand behind a chair of your choosing, we can begin."

 

The group muttered but obeyed.

 

"Thank you," Marvin said.  "Now then, there has been quite a bit of talk concerning Pine Valley's current relationships.  Some of you seem quite happy together--"

 

"I love you, Kendall," Zach said.  "Always, only you."

 

"I love you too, Aidan.  I mean Ryan!  I mean Zach!  I mean--"

 

"--while others seem to need a change of pace," Marvin finished.

 

He pointed across the room to the man sitting behind the piano.  "This is my colleague, Todd.  He'll be playing music for us tonight.  Before the activities commence, I'd like to perform a roll call.  If you are present, simply raise your hand.  Zach Slater?  Ryan Lavery?  Kendall Hart Slater?  Aidan Devane?  Greenlee Smythe?  Arabella Carey?  Richard Novak?"

 

"That's my brother!  He's sick, he's demented, he's evil, he's--"

 

Marvin held up a hand.  "We know, Mrs. Lavery.  Amanda Dillon?  And, of course, Annie Lavery."  He looked around.  "Good!  Everyone is present. He turned to Todd and clapped his hands.  Todd began to run his hands over the piano's keys, serenading the room with a soothing melody.

 

"I am sure you have all played this game at some time or another.  All of you, please stand up and walk in a clockwise circle.  I said clockwise, Mr. Lavery.  You've gone back in time far enough, I think.  Yes, very good.  Now, when the music stops, all of you will have to fight over the chairs.  As the more astute of you might have observed, there are two fewer chairs than there are cheating wives, scheming husbands, and amnesiacs.  The two left standing when the music stops will be a couple."

 

Babe raised her hand.  "Isn't that a rather careless method of forming a relationship?"

 

Marvin shrugged.  "Yes, you would think so, but the current All My Children writing regime doesn't seem to mind.  Now then, keep walking, yes, very good, that's the way, just like that, clockwise, Mr. Lavery!  Richie, please quite stabbing JR' with that needle--"

 

Todd's fingers stilled.

 

Marvin looked from one startled face to the other.  "Well, what are you waiting for?  Grab a chair, you fools!"

 

The dining room erupted in chaos. Zach punched Ryan. Aidan struck a pose. Kendall wrote a new book, published it, signed "To My BFF!", and hit Greenlee over the head with it. Amanda started taking off her clothes. Richie and JR each grabbed one of Babe's arms and began tugging.

 

"The chairs, people!" Marvin shouted over the commotion.  "The chairs!"

 

Moments later, JR and Amanda found themselves shoved away from the ruffled clump of humanity.  Marvin grinned and shook JR's hand, then Amanda's.

 

"Congratulations, we have our first new couple!"

 

"But we've been together before," Amanda said.

 

"Yeah," JR said.  "And besides, I want to be with Babe."

 

"At least the viewers really liked us," Amanda said.

 

"Yes," Marvin said, "they really did -- which is why the writers split you up.  Can't have anyone getting too popular, can we?"  He shook his head.  "Certainly not!  Popularity causes the fans to want happiness for their couples, and really, who wants to see a couple in love, dealing with real world problems, instead of, oh, I don't know, having spur-of-the-moment grief sex?"

 

"I wouldn't know anything about that!" Kendall shouted.

 

"You've proved my point, Mrs. Slater," Marvin said.  "Constant drama is much more fun!  So, congratulations, JR and Amanda.  I'm sure you'll both be very briefly happy."

 

The new couple shrugged, held hands, and moved to leave.

 

"Just a moment!" Marvin called.  "Where do you think you're going?"

 

JR and Amanda looked at each other, then back to Marvin.  "Well," JR said, "we were going to--"

 

Marvin waggled a finger at them.  "No can do, I'm afraid.  You're still in the game."

 

"But we were eliminated," Amanda said.

 

"Doesn't matter.  The viewers liked you, remember?  I'm sorry, but there's no way we can allow your relationship to continue.  We prefer couples without chemistry here in Pine Valley."

 

"That's okay," Amanda said.  She sauntered over to Marvin and ran a hand down his chest.  "I'll sleep with anyone."

 

Marvin's face reddened as he stepped back.  "Ah, yes, well....  Up, up, everyone!  Todd, if you would be so kind?"

 

Moments later, the music cut-off again.  This time, Ryan and Greenlee found themselves outside the chairs.

 

"Ah," Marvin said, stepping between them and placing one hand on Ryan's shoulder, another on Greenlee's.  "'Rylee,' together again.  Splendid!  I'm sure you two will be very briefly happy together."

 

"We were happy," Greenlee said.  "Well, mostly.  Things started to go downhill when Ryan's brother trapped me, Kendall, and Lily in a cave.  Then, Ryan almost hit me and--"

 

"Wait," Ryan said.  "My brother was in town?  Which one?  Braden?  Or was it Hocket?"

 

Greenlee opened her mouth to respond, but Marvin pressed a finger to her lips.  "I'm afraid we cannot discuss him," he whispered.

 

"Can't discuss who?" Ryan said.

 

Marvin shook his head.  "Never mind, never mind.  Go off and be happy, you two!"

 

"But for how long?" Greenlee asked.  "You only gave JR and Amanda a minute or so before you--"

 

"Right," Marvin interrupted, "but that's because they were popular.  You two, I'm afraid, were not."

 

"We weren't?" Ryan asked.  He frowned, then said: "But I thought everyone loved us."

 

Greenlee gasped.  "Ryan, you're starting to remember us!  Oh, I'm so happy!"

 

Ryan laughed.  "Just kidding."

 

Marvin clutched his stomach and roared with false laughter.  "Mr. Lavery, you're so funny!  Well then, since we've re-united one of the least popular couples in Pine Valley history, I think that's quite enough of Couples Magical Chairs."

 

He placed his hands on his hips and smiled at the group.  "Now then, when you're all ready, we'll begin Career Magical Chairs.  Kendall, you've already made the rather quick transition from cosmetics queen guru to author--"

 

"I'm not a slut!"

 

"--so you're ineligible for play, I'm afraid.  For the rest of you, no real training is necessary; you can be anything you want to be!  If you're unable to choose a suitable career, we'll just give you a job at Fusion.  Also, bear in mind that regardless of your chosen profession, each of you will receive 51 weeks of paid vacation a year."

 

"That's awesome!  Did you hear that, Ryan?  When you remember me, we can go on our ninth honeymoon."

 

"I would love that, Kendall."

 

"You son of a--"