There's a reason for everything. There's a reason why you're here reading my column. You're obviously an All My Children fan and want to "hear" what I have to say about the show each and every week. If that's not the reason, then maybe it's because you're secretly waiting to see if I snap one week in the midst of a column.

Now, if only it were as easy to figure out why in the world the residents of Pine Valley are doing the things that they're doing. It might make life a lot easier for everyone involved.

I wish I could believe that Liza was really interested in walking the straight and narrow. I applaud her for taking her district attorney appointment seriously, but there's just something about her attitude and demeanor that irks me. Let's not forget that this is the same woman (or character, anyway) that accused Jesse of raping her, shoved her own sister out a window at Chandler Mansion, stole Damon's ADHD medication, kidnapped Colby, and remained on the run for several years...

Okay, so we all have our... "issues."

I don't necessarily want Liza to make up her own rules the way, let's say, that Jesse has as Pine Valley's top cop. Maybe it's more that Liza's actions seem like personal vendettas than they do like an actual desire to do the right thing. There's also another theory -- one that Kendall put forth that I rather enjoyed.

"Well, at least you're consistent," Kendall snarled. "You're doing what you've done the second you came back to Pine Valley. You're screwing over everyone you meet."

What I don't think I will ever understand, though, is why Greenlee decided to hide a vial of digitalis in the glove compartment of her car. Why not take it to the waterfall where Leo and Vanessa took a tumble? We certainly know that the police can't find anything there. Sorry, Leo -- no disrespect intended. Or take it to the stables at Wildwind. No one ever goes horse riding anymore. Or what about the well where Natalie was held prisoner? Was that ever really sealed up? Or even Erica's new house. No one's been there since David was tied up there.

I guess what I am trying to say is that there were oodles of places that Greenlee could have hidden that vial other than her car. I'm sure a psychologist would assess the situation by saying that Greenlee obviously wanted to be "caught."

So let's explore why she'd do something so ridiculous. My thoughts? She did, in fact, want to be caught. I think that Greenlee hoped that the police would find her and that she'd be able to tell Ryan one day that she did everything for him because she is still in love with him. Ryan, of course, will be overcome by Greenlee's devotion and kick Madison to the curb. Well, that's my scenario. Or Greenlee is just dumb. Those are the only two possible explanations that I have, but if you have more... you know what to do. Send 'em on over with the email link at the bottom of the column.

Also, not for nothing... I wish they'd stop referring to the vial's vile contents as "poison." Digitalis is a prescription medication. It just happened to be given to David in excess so that it became toxic.

So Marissa wants to get full custody of AJ, huh? That's pretty ballsy to me. It seems oddly reminiscent of situations that JR's poppa, Adam, went through. I applaud Marissa's newly implanted backbone, but I had to say that I am a little aghast that she'd make a motion for sole custody. Obviously, Marissa is hurting, and I guess this is her way of lashing out and trying to hurt JR. The Adam, Jr., in JR came out when he let it be known that he'd make sure the court knew that Marissa isn't the perfect little flower she portrays. I have to say that this Chandler vs. Chandler battle could be fun to watch play out.

I have to wonder if Marissa will flee the country with AJ and then return in December when the role is finally recast. Or maybe they'll prolong the custody battle and have the new Marissa come aboard for the nastiness in the courtroom.

Asher Pike is Caleb's son. Quelle surprise! It's clear from Asher's actions that he loathes Caleb. I don't necessarily believe anything that comes out of Asher's mouth, so I will wait to see what the real truth is. It seems an awful like like Kendall Hart 2.0, if you ask me. Remember when Kendall (then played by Sarah Michelle Gellar) showed up in Pine Valley intent to ruin Erica's life. Why? Because Kendall had been given up for adoption. I'm going to go out on a Pigeon Hollow limb here and figure that Asher has some totally wrong idea of why Caleb wasn't in his life... and he is not intent on beating the hell out of his perceived deadbeat dad. We'll find out that Caleb never knew he had a kid and there will be tears all around. Of course, then we'll learn via some medical catastrophe that Caleb can't donate blood to save his son's life... because Asher is really a Chandler.

How's what work for you?

Natalia and Brot's strange dance continues. It's not as bizarre as the chicken dance marathon that we had to endure last year, but it's definitely perplexing. After a tender moment between them, Natalia surprised everyone (well, at least me) by asking Brot out on a date. Rather than agreeing -- it's no secret that Brot has eyes for Natalia -- Brot declined. Why? Because his stubborn machismo was insulted by being asked out by the "little woman." Hello, Captain Caveman. That isn't to say that I don't relate to and even understand his desire to ask Natalia out. There is something rewarding about hearing that "yes." I am not sure if Natalia and Brot have a long-term future together, but I think watching two, headstrong people try to navigate through the uncertainties of a relationship could be a lot of fun. There's also another dynamic to the pairing. Brot's boss is also his almost-girlfriend's dad. Ooh, I don't envy him.

Also on the relationship front, on Soap Central Live last week, I asked both Cornelius Smith, Jr. (Frankie Hubbard) and Denise Vasi (Randi Hubbard) about Frankie and Madison's unusual relationship. Smith told me that he understands why fans don't understand why Frankie would want to be friends with the woman who'd framed his now-wife for murder. He blamed Frankie's "soft heart" for wanting to help Madison. Meanwhile, Vasi admitted that there might be a little jealousy involved in Randi's desire to want Madison to steer clear of Frankie. More than that, though, she said that she doesn't think any woman would want another woman hanging all over their man. I have to say that I agree.

Erica and Jackson return to Pine Valley this coming week, fresh from their three-month pre-honeymoon. So I am guessing that it won't be long before Erica has to battle her feelings for Caleb. Why does this woman still not know what she wants? I could understand if Erica wasn't attached and she, um, wanted to sample some items from the Pine Valley men-u. But she has a man (and has had quite a few in her time), and she is still not happy. For the life of me, I can't figure out why this woman is so self-destructive on the relationship front. I'd guess that it has something to do with the failed relationship that she had with her father, but I only had one round of psychology in college.

I don't know that I want to watch Erica ping pong back and forth for the next few pre-Sweeps weeks between men. And I don't know why Jack would even tolerate Erica toying with his emotions yet again.

I think I will save that rant for next week, though. I need something to motivate you guys to tune in next time.

dan

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