Secrets and lies. Lies and secrets. Slies. They make the soap world go 'round. And Salem is busting at the seams with several scandalous ones. That leads me to hope that the next few weeks are full of exciting exposures! They have to be, right? It's Sweeps!
Still, I'm not holding my breath. While some of these secrets seem to be on the brink, the writers have been making three meals and a midnight snack out of a baggie full of Cheez-Its by prolonging the inevitable. Let's figure out which bombs will be dropped before February is done and which landmines will linger until May Sweeps (or, Eeek!, beyond).
John's Mystery ISA Assignment: Soon!
We have Billie back. Steve caught John trying to inject him. John's ISA contact is dead. The stage is set for the final act. This bomb has to be ready to drop. I mean, as soon as one part comes out, all of it really has to, right? The "Why Steve was being targeted" should explain John's actions. I mean, as much of an explanation as most will accept after a man nearly drugs his best friend to death. Next time, John, if you want Steve's place in the ISA show, just throw some marbles on the floor and be ready to take his place. It worked for Jessica Spano in Showgirls.
Rafe and Sami's One-night Stand: Explode...soon-ish
We have a Safe wedding date! Mark your calendars for the first of March. That's next week. We're all cordially welcomed. Hope's passing out invites to everyone. I'll have to scramble. I don't even have my outfit picked yet. Damn. Despite my lack of attire, however, I'm a little surprised Rafe didn't campaign for the start of the next month, which would be the much more appropriate "April Fool's Day." If Hope learns the truth, Rafe could just scream, "Kidding!"
So, Hope invited Carrie to the wedding. Carrie acted weird. I got why, as I'm -- and I hate to brag -- one of the only people aside from Carrie who knows about Rafe and Sami's one-night stand. Rafe told me personally. I mean, he told me via text personally. It was a group text, actually. But Rafe is very adamant about not telling many people, except for Eli, the people in the group text, his hairstylist, and that lady with the limp who sells mismatched shoes out of a box on the pier. Oh, the guy who changes out the jugs in Rafe's water cooler. He knows, too. I think Rafe may have submitted the secret as a "blind item" to his alma mater's student newspaper, the West Salem Spoiler. What was I saying? Right. Rafe wants to keep this secret, and Carrie acted odd...
While I get why Hope guessed Carrie was acting jittery, I feel an obvious fact was overlooked. Hope thought it was because of Rafe and Sami's former marriage, but Carrie also had a relationship with Raferoni-and-Cheese. I think that'd hit closer to home, but I'm no detective. Carry on, Fancy Face. I'll see you on the first of March for your big day...just don't ask why I'll be carrying a big basket of your favorite comfort foods, a boom box readied with a breakup mixtape, and a punching bag with Rafe's picture on it. I'll leave that surprise for later.
As for Rafe and Eli, they're buddies now. They share things. Like their indiscretions. Though their scene should have included a time lapse where they listed all of the people who know about their trysts with other women. But I figure it this way, the more people who know about said secrets, the quicker we'll get to some big reveals.
Lani and Eli's Baby Bombshell: Linger
J.J. and Lani are engaged. I feel like I should say congratulations, but remember in the '80s when Mr. T would say, "I pity the fool"? Yeah. That. Poor pitiful, foolish J.J. He doesn't even realize the flowery field he's blissfully trotting through is full of landmines. Yet despite the unintentionally hilarious growing number of people who also know about this shocker, I don't see it ending soon.
Side note: I should make this clear to Lani: when J.J.'s world explodes, I will be right there to ask her for Alice's heirloom ring back. I mean. Help J.J. That, too, but that ring -- oh, Ms. Price, you just made it personal, err, more personal -- the personalest. #swornprotectorofAlice'smemories
Now Eli's agreed to keep the paternity secret, too. Nope. This one isn't going away anytime soon. Honestly, it's great drama, but I don't know how much longer I can listen to the ballads of Happy J.J. and the Guiltettes on loop before I run to Salem and tell him myself. And get that ring back. That, too.
Brady's Battle Plan for Eve: Soon and later
This one has two parts. One, I think Eve will discover Brady's been (or trying to) play her these past few months. Sure, she might be playing him, too, but Tate appears to be softening the blows and strengthening the bond between them. They both love the little spud. I suspect that will play a part in them attempting to move on once Brady and Victor's battle plans are revealed. However...
Part two of this lingering will they/won't they whatsit won't happen until the end of April. I'm predicting they will. Then will come May. And they won't again. Hint: someone's returning to Salem. I know that because, well, casting spoilers happen like years in advance. So, there's that nugget.
Anna's Blunder Regarding "Jeneric": Exposed!
Calm down, everyone. Get ready for the belly laughs. It was all a misunderstanding, golly gee. Jeneric is okay now. And for those of you who feel like me, those scenes were about a ten on the Ugh-O-Meter, right?
See, Jennifer was on a Valentine's date with Henry. Eric crashed their dinner and wouldn't leave. Like, would. Not. Leave. Maybe he was waiting for takeout. I dunno. The dude planted roots of steel. But whatever. Eric explained that the 180 in their relationship was due to a series of whoopsies. Side note: Anna was hilarious as she explained what she did, but that's neither here nor there.
Now. I'd say, "Poor Henry Shah!" but at least he fared better than the last guy Jennifer attempted to date while she was still hung up on someone else. Right, Liam Frasier? That guy snapped and ended up impaled on a tree root. I just hope Henry doesn't get exiled from Salem like Frankie Brady, Jennifer's most used and abused runner-up who nearly got that final rose sooo many times, but just didn't. I'm sure Frankie's tongue is still swollen from licking his wounds, but I digress...
Julie said to Jennifer, "I wasn't too overwhelmed with your doctor friend." Wow. Really, Jules? Aesthetically, even Roman recognized Henry is handsome. Though, aside from the shallower parts of Henry's attributes, he's a freaking doctor who spends his free time volunteering at Julie's family's center. He's a total gentleman. He's in touch with his feelings and those of others. He eats dessert (though he might be off doughnuts for a while). And he paid for dinner after his Valentine's Day date couldn't stop swirling her friendship bracelet while thinking of another guy. Yeah, sure, Julie, "That sounds totally underwhelming," said no one else on earth.
At the end of the day, I have nothing but admiration for Henry. In a soap rarity, he showed some major self-respect and class. He was also respectful to Jennifer and gave her an easy out while being honest and admitting, "I better go before I get hurt." Oh, self-awareness. You need to show up more often in Salem.
Andre's Murder: Linger...lots and lots of lingering
After Friday's cliffhanger regarding Andre's murder, it appears Ron Carlivati might have DID it again. Abigail appears to have Dissociative Identity Disorder. Maybe. If that's the case, I'll be blunt -- it was predictable, but this cat isn't clawing its way out of the bag for months and months, I suspect.
Also, I'm predicting now that "Gabigail" will end up in bed with Stefan. Will a baby happen, too? Maybe. Just maybe. I certainly won't be shocked if it does. A "Who's the daddy?" storyline would fit right in, given that Chad and Abigail have been going for the gold as newlyweds lately, and perhaps Stefan inherited Stefano's magical sperm. Like, the Phoenix could get someone pregnant from just a look, or an Elvis jumpsuit and a gullible gal (Hi, Eej!).
But I'm jumping the urn, err, the gun, as we really don't know much more than that Abigail was posing as Gabi and possibly planting evidence in Stefan's room. Well, I guess that's pretty incriminating. "That" being Gabi's jacket, security pass, and the urn lid! That's a lot of evidence pointing to Abigail being Andre's killer. Unless she's protecting someone she loves, like Chad. Hmm. Yet, Chad doesn't scream "murderer" to me. So, hey, Gabigail.
As my hunches over the past few weeks led me to suspect an Abigail/DID storyline, I'm not shocked as to where things appear to be going. I'm not sure I'm thrilled, either. The only thing I'm certain of is that the fantastical Marci Miller is sure to be on fire throughout. She's a strong actress. At the very least, we can look forward to her performances. There's that.
Still, DID storylines on soaps are as par for the course as "Who's the daddy?" scenarios, "We slept together because we thought we were going to die/we had to keep warm in a barn during a blizzard after running out of gas!" plots, and "Hey! I'm not really dead!" shockers. I'm sure Ron will write some amazing twists as the storyline unfolds, but here is one major thing I'm hoping he avoids...
Gabigail and Stefan. I want to love to hate Stefan. I really do, but I haven't come around to his, uh, charms yet, despite Melinda Trask's ringing endorsements. I still see him as Mr. Stefan "I'll Show You My Weiner Whether You Want To See It Or Not" DiMera, who thinks sexual harassment is a way to a gal's heart. Nope. I'm not over that yet. He's just coming off as a creeper businessman in the corner, leering at his brother's wife. So, him possibly taking advantage of Abigail's condition? Hard pass.
But, again, I might be jumping a lot of guns. We still don't know what's what with Abigail or Gabigail. Maybe she's taking the same pills that made Hope into "Midnight Hope," who slathered on some dark lipstick and beat up men. Maybe someone has Abigail under mind control like when Hope was Princess Gina. Or maybe -- and this one doesn't have a Hope comparison, surprisingly -- maybe Abs committed homicide while sleepwalking! That's a thing. I saw a documentary on it once. Eh. Well. Maybe it was a Lifetime move. Either way, I'm not formally sounding the alarm bells until necessary, but I'm surely bracing for a long, bumpy ride into Gabigail Land!
LOOSE ENDS:
Tripp has the tolerance of a saint. I'd go completely crazy if I lived in that loft with Ciara and Claire. Like, the dude needs to ask Steve and Kayla if he can stay in Joey's old room at their house. They're never home, anyway. And whatever did happen to Steve and Kayla's posh pad? I love that place. Anyway...
This stalled storyline is a chore to watch as of late, but I must side with Ciara this round. While I do believe Claire genuinely loves Theo, Ciara wasn't wrong when pointing out that Little Miss Social Media appears to feel a smidge of something-something for Tripp that extends past friendship, even if Claire doesn't want to admit it to herself yet. Though I really, I mean, really wish after Claire had her hissy fit, stating, "I'm going to pack for my trip...to see my boyfriend!" she would have added a Napoleon Dynamite, "Gosh!" before stomping away in bratty angst.
Also, Claire. I love you, gal, but -- what's the saying? -- oh, right! Mind your own damn business.
All the recent rumblings were true! Melinda Trask is back on the canvas. I might be in the minority, but I enjoy her campy cameos. Laura Kai Chen channels her inner diva, and you can tell she has a blast playing the ballbuster D.A. Melinda's mêlée with Justin was all shades of soapy entertainment. Like Laura, you could tell Wally Kurth was having a ball, too.
Plus, it was interesting to see the "Harvey Dent"/two sides of Trask last week. Until then, we've only witnessed her determined professional side. Now we've got to see her outside of work, too. Though that left me confused...
I don't think -- even for a second -- Trask would align herself socially with a DiMera, no matter how "charming" she believes he is. Melinda said it herself. She's made it her career's goal to mount as many DiMera heads as she can to the walls in her office. I paraphrased. Regardless, I don't think an Alabama Slammer, some champagne, and a little flirting with Stefan would be enough for this typically driven character to ditch her objectives. That was and would be rather disappointing. Unless she's using Stefan. Hmm. I could see that happening, too.
Though the D.A. side of Trask was all about sending Gabi up the river. She even has a cheering squad. Well, one cheerleader. Julie. Ugh. I can't. I just can't even go into the shrieking madness without a few Alabama Slammers first, so let's just say Melinda wants Gabi back in prison, and Julie does, too. I think Justin nailed it when he said Melinda's still sore from Gabi getting a "get out of jail free" card for Nick's death. I mean, Melinda is one tough cookie, but her cases usually crumble in the end. So, I'm a lot less worried about Gabi's future now that Melinda seems more confident about a conviction.
HOT
Is it just me, or does a dose of Doug make everything a little better!? Bill Hayes is so downright charming that his magic makes the maddening disappear, if only for a scene or two. From Doug's talk with J.J. to his talking Julie down off the ledge, I couldn't get enough. We need more Doug, like, every day. And I totally agree with Julie! Doug did look adorable in his hat. #toocute
NOT
Jennifer and Eric's relationship went from Leaving Las Vegas to Sweet Valley High shenanigans. Though Sweet Valley High probably had less friendship bracelets and fights over doughnuts. Despite the best efforts of two of the best actors in the biz (Greg Vaughan and Melissa Reeves), I just don't get "Jeneric." They're like a bad elephant statue, err, penny leftover from the horrific Higley era that keeps turning up.
More so, this storyline infantilizes both characters. Eric and Jennifer are being painted sugary sweet on the Good Ship Lollipop, but the writers are missing the boat as that saccharine ship sailed away many empty bottles of Jack and painkillers ago. Sure, I know I'm supposed to see the redemption angle. They've both been through so much and are leading healthier lives now, but the storyline's being written a bit juvenile for characters who have, in fact, gone through as much as Eric and Jennifer have.
I'd be more interested if the show capitalized on Jennifer's talents as a reporter -- as a writer. She should be penning her memoirs, detailing her battle with addiction and/or uncovering a prescription drug ring in Salem (hello, relevant storyline). If Eric assisted and they fell in love throughout that, it would be less jarring, especially since he was ready to start a life with Nicole not too long ago. But, nope. Her swirling her friendship bracelet and longing looks are so much more gripping. #IwantmoreforJenniferandEric
LINE OF THE WEEK
Henry (to Jennifer and Eric): "This is getting a bit uncomfortable for me."
LINE OF THE WEAK
Eric (to Henry): "Hands off, doc. That doughnut is mine!"
EXCHANGE(S) OF THE WEEK
Lucas (regarding Chloe): "You poisoned her."
Kate: "That stupid rumor again?"
RANDOM THOUGHTS
John's "Judo chop!" stance while preparing for battle was everything. Austin Powers and all of Charlie's Angels would be so proud. Hilarious, Agent Black!
Welcome back, Lisa Rinna! It's always a treat when she returns for a visit. Lisa approaches the role with massive amounts of gusto, and I admire that.
Vivian staying in and doing puzzles sounds amazing. I guess that's the way she unwinds after a day of plotting the downfalls of her enemies. Though I totally assume she makes one of her manservants place the pieces for her as she ponders and points.
I'm not trying to be mean here, but shouldn't Gabi be with Arianna Grace instead of out on a date and then a sleepover with Eli? Trust me. I have eyes. I get the appeal of said sleepover, but considering she might go to prison and not see her daughter...well, go home, Gabs, and hug that little bundle of joy while you can.
Hey! What did happen to Sheila Watkins!? I wouldn't mind catching up with her again.
Oh, Melinda Trask! You're silly. She said Gabi would be out of jail to see Ari Grace graduate high school. Umm, in nine or so years, Ari's kids will probably be graduating. SORASing and such, you know.
How long does it take Eric to eat a doughnut? He left Doug's Place and was still munching on it after he got to the pub.
What a lovely scene between Kate and Lucas! Lauren Koslow and Bryan Dattilo have such natural chemistry with each other. I hope Lucas gets to see Billie, too!
I also liked Kate and Billie's scenes together! It's kind of endearing that Billie calls Kate "mama." These two have come a long way.
Abigail wasn't wrong for telling the police what she knew about Gabi, but I also can't blame Gabi for being a little ticked at her one-time bestie, especially considering Ab's marriage to Dario was a big lie, proving she's not above helping a pal out of a pickle. I guess Abigail blew apart that saying, "A good friend will help you move, but a true friend will help you move a body." Hey! I guess that means Rafe and Hope are good friends. They got that going on for them...for now.
Whew! I'm glad for Tate's sake he has his own game with the preschool gals like McKenna and doesn't need help from his dad. The poor boy doesn't need to learn from Brady's playbook. Like Victor said of Brady a few weeks ago, "Let's not forget you have a tendency to fall for anybody with a pulse and heels."
I will always adore the friendship between Steve and Hope. They make me happy. More, please.
Umm, what's wrong with having a Valentine's tradition of crying into your Scotch? I mean, bourbon! Bourbon.
Hmm. Did Andre have a will? That might be some interesting reading.
Was I the only one who laughed when Henry said, "We're all adults here," as Jennifer played with her friendship bracelet?
I'm not trying to rain on romance, but is celebrating your first Valentine's Day as an engaged couple a real thing? Is it? I mean, sure, it's nice, but it just seemed like Rafe and Hope were making a bigger deal out of it than it should be. Though what do I know? My favorite part of Valentine's Day is February 15 when candy goes on sale.
Seriously, I'm miffed. There's no way that Adrienne wouldn't be at Steve's side right now. They're a brother/sister combo that's easily on the DAYS top ten list. We need an Adrienne/Steve sibling scene, like, yesterday, thankyouverymuch.
In happier brother/sister news, I enjoyed that J.J. shared his news with Abigail. That was a sweet scene, complete with Chad's charming goofiness.
In addition to Abe's jacket, I really, really want Lucas', too!
Oh, and Chad still has the best sock collection in Soap Land.
Come on, Billie! Give us a Chelsea update! I'm eager to hear what my favorite former Swamp Baby is up to.
I'm not sure who had a sweeter Valentine's Day, but both "Stayla" and "Chabby" made me smile.
Um, if Jennifer is dropping off doughnuts, well, I'm just saying that she has my address. Hint, Jenny Bear. Hint!
Ha! Steve was going to take Kayla to the Green Mountain Lodge for their Valentine's Day wedding anniversary. Instead, he's in the hospital. I'd say that's cutting to the chase, as expeditions to the lodge never seem to turn out well for most Salemites.
PARTING THOUGHTS
So, friends and fellow DAYS fans, that's Two Scoops for the week of February 19! Unless Abigail locks me in a secret room and assumes my identity -- Tonygail? [EDITOR'S NOTE: Tabby works, too!] -- I'll be back next week to see if February Sweeps is cleaning up or making a mess of DAYS. Stay tuned! And, "That's a fact!"
As always, thanks for reading!
Tony
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