Hat tip, Dr. Rolf. THAT is how to make an entrance, white suit and all. I really wish he'd slow-mo-ed onto the pier out of the sub to Chamillionaire's "Ridin'," but I digress.
There is something amusing about the Rolf and Li combo. It almost feels like Li believes he's a real balla because he has access to a mad scientist. I mean, fair. I get it, but it automatically made me think of that old viral video of the woman with a grin sitting beside a bear led by the guy in the karate gi who has the same haircut as Jeff Daniels in Dumb and Dumber. Of course, the bear eventually attacks the woman, and the karate guy's all, "Stop, bear!" and they fight around the studio. Oh, yeah. That's all a real thing. It's ridiculous, but again, I digress.
I suspect Li is the grinning woman in this scenario. He seems to have a false sense of confidence that he'll achieve his angle. That is, get Gabi again. From the sly look on Rolfie's face, he and Megan have plans. I don't think Li riding off into the sunset with his ex is part of them. Like Bargain Bin Aiden, I presume Li is just another pawn in their games. They have a contingency plan to deal with him, and that might just be using him as a scapegoat.
Okay. So, if Li is the sly grinning woman, that means Harris is the bear doing his handler's bidding. Though I feel worse for the actual bear. Harris ruins everything. First "Bope," and now a perfectly good party. I swear on my stack of love letters from a Salemite who can't be named for legal reasons, if Harry harms that vintage bottle of bubbly, I'll never forgive him. That Champagne was Stefano's favorite. It should be savored, not shot at. You can't uncork or un-shoot a bottle. It doesn't bounce back like Stefan surely will...again.
Still, I have to harken back to my column a few weeks ago. Imagine how much more impactful this storyline would be if the Patch Man were the pawn. I mean, Harris' parents are probably worried he's not home for dinner, but does the rest of Salem care that the Bope interloper is brainwashed again?
In any case, Megan's merriment of the matters makes it amusing. I try to focus on her fabulousness. Like, her toast was hilarious. Not even she believed most of it. I remember this one quote from Jerri Blank that reminded me of Megan's take on family. Ms. Blank misjudgingly said, "You can be rich in family, or friends, or love; but the only thing that matters is being rich in money." Yep. That seems spot-on for the DiMeras.
On the topic of money, while Dimitri presses Gwen to seal the deal -- I mean, lovingly accept his proposal -- I can barely see in the darkness cast by all the Gwen, Leo, and Dimitri foreshadowing. There was Gwen's line like, "Given that you two have now kissed and made up, you know what? Maybe you two should just ride off into the sunset together." Are we headed for another Salem love triangle!?
I hope my hunches are wrong. Being besties is basically what Gwen and Leo have going for them. The complete charm that is the Emily O'Brien and Greg Rikaart combo shouldn't be messed with by having That Rizzy-Chick Woman and Matty compete for a man. There's also the risk that breaking them up might also backslide them both toward unbearable again. I hope we just keep going forward with Leo looking out for her. That I can surely get behind. I enjoy his super sleuthing mode.
Also, Gwen rode into town on a scheme and a plot. She should not be dismissing Leo's concerns too easily. He has literally schemed like this before. He knows what he's talking about. It doesn't make sense that Gwen is coming across so doe-eyed and gullible, unless it does...
Gwen conning Dimitri would make sense. Perhaps she found out about his marriage clause and is going along with his antics to cash in on his con by performing one of her own. A counter-con! I mean, who doesn't want to be a gazillionaire!? She could be keeping Leo in the dark so things appear more authentic, or maybe he's in on the con, too? Again, his last storyline was conning a man into marrying him to obtain money. Co-conning besties? Yes! Besties bickering over a man? Pass.
We learned a little more about nutty Nurse Whitley King. She's the youngest of five from Scottsdale, and most notably, she's a widow. Hmm. I wonder if he died under mysterious circumstances. That would track given her aforesaid nuttiness. Actually! That got me to wondering a lot of things...
Unless I missed something, we're still unsure of Whitley's angle for Abe-ducting our beloved mayor. Like Laurisa pointed out last week, Whitley has lots of "past due" notices laying around, yet this still doesn't seem to be a ransom plot. Paulina, "Jarlena," Kate (and Roman), Chad (and the DiMeras in general), as well as any other of Abe's loved ones would dish over some dough for any demands. Hell, even Nicole and Sami would surely agree to pay to get Abe back (and then make the culprit pay, for sure). Some things are just universal in the DAYSverse, and the something at the top of the Salem list is "Abe is loved!" Loot will be handed over for his safe return, though that doesn't seem to be Nurse King's long con.
Whitley also seems motivated by a murky moral compass. She'll risk big to help Jerry's grandmother but lord the good deed over his head. I thought maybe she was one of those killer nurses -- an "angel of mercy" -- but that doesn't seem to be the case, either.
So! Could widow Whitley's deceased spouse be T.R. Coates!? This could be why she absconded with Abe. To strike back at Paulina. A husband for a husband, and such. Abe does get caught in Paulina's past crossfire a lot. Weirdly, Whits has been playing her motives close to the cuff, but maybe "Dangerous Ray" was married to "Whacko Whitley." Again, that would track. We shall see.
In the meantime, Salem thinks Abe is dead! We know the truth, of course, but damn it if I didn't start misting up once the mourning started. Paulina's "No. No, you cannot [come in]" reaction was spectacular! Jackée Harry hit it out the park with that one. I just wanted to give Auntie P a hug and remind her she's in Salem now. Abe should be home by the next Sweeps, if not before!
I forgot how much I enjoyed Eli and Rafe's friendship! They are humorous and have heart. Okay. They also broke my heart a bit when they concluded that Abe was gone. Lamon Archey and Galen Gering did a great job with their grief.
On the topic of Rafe-a-Roni and Cheese, he and Jada sitting in a tree. K-I-S -- okay. I won't spell out what they were doing. Let's just say it starts with an "F" and ends in an "ing." Okay. I will spell it out: "fraternizing!" Oh, when he's un-abducted and resurrected, Abe is going to be M-A-D. He did tell them they're not allowed to "F."
Though. I'm happy for Rafe and Jada. They're not the most exciting couple on the show and that "fraternizing" mumbo jumbo just seemed to be thrown in as a roadblock, but they're both solid characters who deserve some happiness. Cheers to them!
Speaking of "f-ing" and happiness, Chloe and Xander have moved on by not really moving on from their exes. It's sort of refreshing that two characters are honest with each other. Chloe and Xan basically have a built-in contingency plan that if they want to reconcile with their exes, it won't come as a surprise to either. In the meantime, their goal is to move-ish on and have fun. I can get behind that.
Oh, Sloan! I may be concussed from palm-planting my hand into my forehead after watching her scenes with Colin. She basically gave him blackmail material on a silver platter. There's no way he won't use that information against her to stay out of Statesville or for whatever sordid reason he seeks. Sheesh, Sloan.
Also, Sloanie Bologna, what's with the noise that you fixed it so no one else will ever know what you did!? Girl. You literally left DNA evidence on a swab and handed it to a lab. I know you have a more active life than I do, but even you must binge Forensic Files from time to time late at night when you can't sleep, as only a true crime docuseries can lull you to Dreamland. DNA is the entire jam of the show. I know in Salem, it's filtered, fixed, and faked, but the truth always comes out eventually. Even Caroline Brady was eventually busted. So, seriously, sister. On a swab? That is not foolproof, fool. Get it together. Scheme smarter.
Finally, let's talk more about typically smart Salemites acting silly. Can you even imagine taking Wendy to Baskin-Robbins!? The 31 flavor choices would blow her mind. Like, for realsies. She'd be there for days. DAYS, I tell you. I can already hear her asking, "Umm. Can I try that one -- again?" Girl, stop filling up on free samples and make a selection. Actually, girlfriend, let's chat...
Wendy's been involved in two love triangles since she showed up Beyond Salem last summer. Sure, the one with Joey was more of a love triangle lite, but it still counts on one's soap résumé. The other guy in that one was Tripp (who had just gotten out of a love triangle. Love quad, actually).
Now, Tripp's contestant number two for a second time. If the same show keeps being recommended by your streaming service for over a year, and you still can't commit to watching or finishing it, maybe you're just not that interested. Tripp seems to be that show for Wendy.
Tripp's being led by his newfound chutzpah. While I like this for him because he needed a confidence boost, as most gorgeous doctors do, but is it leading him blindly? Again, he's in his second love triangle with Wendy and another guy. He agreed to a 45-minute date while she waited to go on a date with another dude. He had to hover around for a goodnight kiss while she was on the phone with the guy she was supposed to go out with. So, chutzpah, clingy, and cringy?
Still, she and Tripp tentatively talked about going to Mexico for fish tacos. You guys are planning trips together! That implies a future with one another. Not to mention Wendy was ready to "get rid of the person" at the door, which also implies that goodnight kiss might have blossomed into something kissier. More kissy. Et cetera. Let Johnny go, girl.
More so, seeing Johnny waste time with Wendy only makes me want him and Chanel together even more. The crackling chemistry between Carson Boatman and Raven Bowens is charming. It's effortless, really.
In the end, I like Tripp. I like Wendy. Tripp and Wendy, though. Eh. Eh? They just sort of bore me at this point. Is anyone on the edge of their seats to find out who fickle Wendy picks? I don't even think Johnny really cares-cares that much at this point.
HOT
I'm a sucker for all things Abe, and I especially enjoyed that his relationship with Nicole was spotlighted last week. He really has been the constant in her corner over the years. I hope we get to see more of them once he's back in the Salem fold! Also, that baby's name or middle name must be Abraham.
Speaking of "back in the Salem fold," I also loved seeing Lamon Archey and Terrell Ransom Jr. again! There were so many warm and fuzzy feelings there. I can't wait to see who pops up next week!
NOT
Again, I must utter, "Leo isn't wrong!" This is the second column in a short time I've been able to say that. This time, he's not wrong that security at the DiMera mansion puts the "uck" in "sucks!" Granted, I can see why that particular family wouldn't want cameras all around, given their penchant for performing illegal acts. Recordings of their caught-red-handedness would be like a gift to the authorities, and what criminal would be that stupid? Still. Their security -- or lack thereof -- is embarrassing for them.
LINE OF THE WEEK
"Damn it! God. You'd think with all the lushes we have in the family, someone would have come down here and gotten a bottle of wine." Kristen to E.J.
RANDOM THOUGHTS
As much as I loved Dr. Rolf's entrance on Princess Gina's submarine, I do hope the submersible was scoured and steam-cleaned first. If you know, you know. Eek.
I love it when Chloe and Nicole get together. Good times. Good times.
Folks. I'm going to tell you the answer to that age-old question, "Does Abe want water?" No. The answer is, "No!"
Rolf's enthusiastic, "Hello, boys!" upon seeing his lab equipment again totally reminded me of Carrie Bradshaw's "Hello, lover!" after seeing shoes.
Conversely, I'd totally watch a show called Wilhelm and the City, where he and a few other felonious scientists strolled around the city, looking for brunch, elaborate experiments, and the perfect Bunsen burner.
Isn't it time we find out who ghosted Stephanie?
Boo! It really isn't a party without Tony and Anna.
I'm with Chloe. I could not, um, concentrate in a messy bedroom. Her new boudoir is fab, anyway.
Yo, Kate! Are you using a burner phone!? Asking for a friend who's worried about your scheming skill set these days.
Colin's "you're not the father" joke was pretty good.
It's strange that of all the people Rolf has brought back from the dead over the years, pal Bart Biederbecke hasn't been one of them.
I loved Uncle Chad! His scenes with Theo and Johnny always make me happy. Though I fear that someday Syd will come back as the hottest mess in the family. He'll definitely need his uncle-ing skills sharp for that.
We need more Stephanie and Tripp scenes. Sometimes, I forget they're siblings. Plus, you'd think she'd enjoy spending time with a brother she doesn't have to read picture books to. Just kidding. You can do it, Joey!
I love that Whitley brought up Brandon and that, later, Nicole spoke with him!
I cracked up when Megan scolded, "Oh, keep up, E.J."
Also funny, Megs just casually strolling around the mansion with that syringe. See. This is why there are no cameras.
Also-also, only one syringe!? Isn't that a little -- a lot -- unhygienic!? Like, super unsafe. Then again, if death doesn't kill a DiMera, I guess sharing needles won't, either.
I need Marlena to come up with a podcast called, "I Did Not Come Back From the Dead For THIS!" in which she'll diss on things that steam her broccoli. Here's an example! It's a preemptive one, but the Bradys and Hortons NOT having their annual Fourth of July picnic? She did not come back from the dead for this! Picnic up, people.
PARTING THOUGHTS
So, friends and fellow fans, that's it for July 3. I hope that everyone is having a safe, healthy, and happy summer so far! I must be going, as I have a very important bottle of Stefano's favorite Champagne to save from possible danger, so Laurisa will be back next week, hopefully having enjoyed barbeque with the Bradys and Hortons and some bubbly. As always, thank you for reading, and "That's a fact."
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